The Old Woman

My closest friend in Samoa stopped by yesterday to surprise me after class. We went back to my place and sat on a mat in the yard, guzzled soda, swatted at flies, ate Cheese-Its , and talked about dumb things. I was really glad to see her because I hadn't spoken to her in a while due to the fact that she's was in Savai'i for the past week. Her Grandmother passed away on Good Friday and I have never seen her so sad.

My friend's relationship with her Grandmother are one of the most beautiful things about Samoa. In America this woman would have been put into a nursing home simply because there is no structure in America to take care of her. In America, one of our strongest virtues is independence, which is one of the things that have been responsible for so much success, at least my success. But no where are the negative qualities of independence extolled so highly but in Samoa, where independence is a vice and interdependence and love is key.

I remember hearing a palagi repeatedly refer to the Prime Minister of Samoa as "the old man". I was pretty shocked at this disrespect. Later, I heard a friend refer to her older mother as "the old woman" and I realized that she was actually being respectful of her mother's age, much like we might say "the smart woman" or "the young man". Old is not considered a bad thing here, something to be hidden. It's something to respect.

So my friend's Grandmother, who was bedridden for almost twenty years, lived those years surrounded by people who adored her and took care of her. When my friend's mother gets old she will also get the same treatment, and the same will happen to my friend years down the line. I feel bad when I see my little sister in Niusuatia passing up her childhood afternoons playing outside to spoon-feed her invalid Grandmother mashed taro, but then again it seems a small price to pay for the lesson of learning to love all people, regardless of appearances, and putting others before herself. How many people do I know, including myself, who could have benefited from such lessons?

There's no question that I would want to be a kid in America, but I definitely was to grow old in Samoa.